21:57 我: Truth be told your prep amazed me a bit
You are quite well prepared
Cyrus: go look at julians
wud amaze u even more
21:59 but truth is, ppl only walk into my prep once in a while
我: Now I know why I got only 20 for CE
Cyrus: 
22:00 我: My improvisation is just only a few moves of your prep
Your improvisation, although not that much proportional to preps you done, are better.
22:02 Cyrus: its a bit paradoxical, u work hard on ur prep and u get to be lazy OTB for a few more moves, lazy on prep u need to work out OTB moves that r played by GMs
funny thing is, all the prep, the goal is just so that u can be lazy OTB
22:04 我: Not quite I suppose
The aim is always just to win
This to you, I suppose, has a supreme meaning above all.
22:05 Cyrus: and for u?
我: Sometimes I get too involved into the complexities of positions, struggle itself.
Just like OTB
(Off-the-board)
22:06 Cyrus: hows that diff from me saying "i ran outta time but my position is winning"
22:07 我: No, I never cared about rating nor winning. It seem a bit hypocritical in the sense that you often have to walk on to prove your whole win, but
22:08 I am more immensed into the struggle itself, psychology, strategy, tactics, self, perceptions, reflections, truth of the position, correct assessment, a continous plan
22:09 Sometimes they drag me off away from the actual win, points, ranks
22:10 But it would be too boring to degrade chess into pure calculation and thereby losing all its intellectual values
Cyrus: well, to make it simple, whichever way gives u more joy then do it that way
22:11 我: It's a bad habit, though
In my life I often make mistakes like that
Should have cared more about simple and easy way of looking at things, rather than trying to dig up whatever valuable and aesthetic things regardless of their nature
22:13 Cyrus: bah keep it simple, else u plunge into the abyss
22:14 i don't think theres any solution if u start ur analysis by insisting that theres value to things
22:15 我: Does that conflict myself if there is nothing, and by make-play there can eventually be?
Cyrus: first understand that theres none to begin with, but if pretending that it exists makes u happy then certainly, why not
22:16 and frankly i don't understand why ppl wanna break free from the matrix
22:17 我: Meaning of life?
22:19 Cyrus: why not search for it within the matrix, where u don't need to starve and wear shit cloths when u're pondering the ultimate question
clothes*
22:21 我: Self-ceteredness
That's all troubles me by now
I assume if I can stop that bad habit of searching everything things will get better
22:22 Cyrus: and?
我: No and
22:23 That's the only thing I'd care by now
22:25 Assuming that it has certain connections with the habit in chess I just told you
22:26 Cyrus: ok i admit i'm lost in the labyrinth of analogies
22:27 我: It's just sub-variation
I quite forgot how did we arrive here, but then if just for speaking, I think they are connected
22:29 Cyrus: nah i'm not conducting this philo convo in the usual rigorously scrutinizing approach, coz i'm multitasking
22:47 我: Who isn't
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