September 10, 2012

  • Played a game, winning in both time and actual chess position, got excited, wanted to keep pushing him instead of using the +30 mins gap between me and him to think, was intending to crush him both materially and psychologically. Carried away, losing the game instead.

    That somehow reflected some parts of myself - Industrious, Not Distracting, Pressure, Forceful, Egotist, but couldn't cope with everything's perfect becoming cynical, giving self too much idiotic/vanity pressure, cracking down eventually.

    Guess it's time to go back to my studies because what I have, is now more psychological. Maybe some push-ups, meditation, Fight Club, talks with others, study, doing what I know I have to do but not been doing. Honours project is a good start. I always have been thinking of something like tactical voting, sharing of votes between the democrats. Will be my title.

    Again this place does not serve to be self-improvement or showing how good and mature I am. This is on the contrary sense some writing board of mine, evidently destroying myself day after day to resurrect again after.