September 21, 2012

  • 今天晚飯和教授聊，發覺其實沒有所謂接受現實，現實從來都不用你去接受才算是現實，又何來接受現實，就像從來都沒有試著去配票是不能說配票失敗。你接受不了的其實只是你自己。

    是的，我恨自己，恨不了別人所以恨自己的軟弱和無能，內心的成年我因為失敗而恨幼兒我當時未有保護自己。恨當時硬要不斷巴結不斷欺負我的同學，恨當時怨不替我出頭的同學而他們都沒了，恨因我是長子而對我要求特別嚴格及體罰的父母，恨我自己不懂得處理情緒傷害了和兄弟的關係。

    於是我不斷的麻醉自己逃避開現實，在毫不重要的一些課外遊戲中忘卻不快，得到了短暫而無意義的光榮，製造學業上的失敗好等自己再去自舔傷口。原來這樣只會更不開心，你總要面對現實。

    Ever since I was a child I have had this instinctive urge for expansion and growth. To me, the function and duty of a quality human being is the sincere and honest development of one's potential. - Bruce Lee

    The day the child realizes that all adults are imperfect, he becomes an adolescent; the day he forgives them, he becomes an adult; the day he forgives himself, he becomes wise. -Alden Nowlan