1. And I talked to Ken about the plan, he said he would love to, but possibly not able to pull time out for the thing, and instead suggested another classmate of his. I do think Rose indeed should not have any difficulty in find a good boyfriend and in turn husband. There are plenty of very remarkable and outstanding students in her University, and with her good character they shall be like bee to honey.

2. Often have thought about the quality of myself, and those that would be favourable as a boyfriend or husband, an ideal man. Other than those a bit more physical, there has been some points I concluded that would be helpful:

Upright (Comparative to honest, I guess it has a bit more proactive meaning)

Reliable

Kindness (Especially Caring for children and elderly. Cause you were one of them, and will be one of them)

Sense of humour (Not too tensed, mentally healthy)

At peace with myself

3.Not sure if I am able to control my emotion. One consistent pattern I am able to observe is the destructiveness of emotions, the lust of love.

There are four notable patterns:

(a)The enthusiasm must come in with my understanding of what would be best for the others, or for reality. I would only choose to act in the way I see most appropriate for the situation or for the others.

If I do not get what I want in a short term, or my act is not appreciated by the others, I will tend to be destructive.

(b) If there is not a very clear way of working, uncertainties lies ahead of my way, self-destructing again.

(c) The passion, for friends/work/my love, is basically a strong sense of lusting + self-indulging act due to the expected return + my own definition of proper do to for the others or situation, which burns vigorously with brilliant blaze, runs out also immediately.

(d) Even if the others appreciate it, that would constitute self-enforcement which only drives myself to keep them tensed state to produce even better result to satisfy the others, resulting in more pressure and an eventual crack.

Reasons are:

I Used to rely on cynicism to supply knowledge

II Impatient

III Self-centered

IV Incorrect understanding of sustainable attitudes

V Lust of recognition

4. Now another approach shall be taken, I remember that I used to say the others ask for 5, I would always want to give 8, but in the end failing and giving only 2.

Giving 5 is not a cynical act, on the contrary I now think that’s what the others asked for, and therefore shall just be administered. Besides, don’t just treat others as idiots, they have idea of what they need most of the time (Conceit knowledge)

It’s also easier for yourself, why not. Emotion sort of spoil things, think normative, act rational, like having sex with love and passion but without focusing, doesn’t sound paradoxical to me.

1.Prof Yu in his essay gave a very insightful thought that blew my mind up.

We always hear the cliche that comparatively speaking, in the old western world people have rights, but this sort of rights does not exist in ancient Chinese Society, that harmony replaced the need for rights.

It is an incorrect assessment, because “Rights” can of course mean the empowerment of individual, but on the contrary, it means the obligations the others legally own you. For example, Mencius says Kings have the obligation to make his people “warm and have food”, that conversely can been seen as the rights of people.

2.Now that I think it seems pointless to argue with others.

Firstly because I think anything that is right or wrong cannot be changed or discovered through argument. (But there can only be one truth)

Now I think the meaning of Right and Wrong, Good and Bad are more dependent on the consensus of people, and even if there is Right or Wrong, the one and final thing I want is recognition, that’s the point of being right.

It would be unwise if you use a mean that would defeat your aim.

Secondly, you will never know what you should do or what the others want you to do by your own, if you want to know what the others want you to do, or how the others see what you are doing, the only way is to quiet down.

Thirdly, there are really very few things that is worthy of serious and heated discussion, it really gives people a bad impression because of the disagreements. People judge cognitively not rationally most of the times.

3. Talking to yourself is perhaps the best cognitive way to choose, the conscious mind talking randomly to subconscious mind, and getting response that is indeed reflecting the most instinctive thoughts and emotions, which in turn might affect us as usually such slips the conscious mind.

It would be to most ideal of men that heaven and hell do exist, although not quite the latter. In heaven where there can be all good and sweet, bliss and blessings; in hell it’s pure fear, chaos, pain.

In the modern days society, things are kind of mixed up, it occurs to me that good and bad must come as a pair, whatever that means well being to one must almost in every circumstances mean disaster to the other. Getting a job, maybe a degree, spending money on social welfare.

Generally speaking this rule applies to every situation, exchange of equivalent values. Even Olympics itself, an event fully claimed of pure friendship and classics, is rigged with money, Mcdonald, sex parties, politics.

Cynics’ stance is that therefore it is better to be distrustful, doubtful, not relying on the bright side of human beings, but to some extent that is emotional judgment. The optimists would say that it is on both sides worthy of trust and act in the same way, but also in this case they are quite normative.

Optimists would thinking normative and act normative.

Cynics would thinking functional and act normative.

Perhaps the way out is to be able to act functional. People these days are skeptical enough, or human nature it is. They don’t judge by motives, they just judge by actions. Emotions tend to get the very best of us, and I felt perhaps if then so, emotions would be turning against ourselves.

It does not mean we have to act bad towards the others, it simply means to act it a rational way that does not carry sentimental judgments. Emotions often impair judgment. Certainly, for example myself, it does not mean that I do not care about the others’ relationships with myself, what else could these four years writings for?

Still recalling the time when I was so obsessed with the task my boss assigned to me, spent all the time trying to figure out how to work out best, that when I felt like I need a whiteboard to think, just checked out the schedule and used a room that wasn’t booked by anyone.

I would think of the urge of wanting to do my job best, the others would focus on me not obeying the rules. We both expected the others to see what we want them to see, and not seeing. We tried to provide the others what we have best, and the others actually don’t like it.

It’s like the others ask you to do 5 out of 10, you tried your very best to give it 8 out of 10, however maybe you are just anxious+making bad judgment, or perhaps it’s really egocentric, so in the end you ended up with 3 out of 10.

Like when trying to offer more to girlfriend, to friends, to studies, so kept thinking, delaying, pressuring myself, in the end the emotion became untenable, impairing judgment.

So I have decided that for now, I will not search for more, I will just do what I am offered, without questioning, absolute obedience. If I want to offer less, perhaps my judgment will be clearer and more sensible because emotion and will of dedication is less.

Like when having sex, sometimes talk dirty will help, but certainly not “I love you”. Like focusing makes you quick, but having sex without emotion and concentration will let you come longer. It’s weird, but men know.

這天頭找我和我聊了一回兒，上司要找你聊天時，多數都不是好事。

沒想到的是，頭頭對我不薄，言詞間能聽出她和曉凝其實為我頂了不少，因為是她和我面試決定請我，我做得不好別人當然閒言閒語。

所犯如下：

1.有一次有事時起來就直接找老總，跨了頭頭和上司兩人。

2.要做報告想用白板整理一下思緒，找不到地方就乾脆進了一間沒有人用的寫。

3.手頭上工作做完，不好意思再問人要（事實也沒那麼多工作），又看見別人都上Youtube，所以就看參考書。

三種錯三種解法

「其實不過自我中心，一是衝動，二是自我，三是不了解待人接物。」

1.每人有不同負責崗位，也可能有手頭上做的事，不能隨意跑動越級。有什麼先問了頭頭，一級級來，頭頭可能傻，但總知多少。

以前倒是覺得不合理，現在聽來頗有理，以前只不過覺得是階級問題。

2.一是要求過高導致緊張，明明做到三可以了，偏要做五，但是又思前想後下不了手還因此錯漏百出，結果只得二。

好像寫紙，明明做好了都不准時交，思前想後要多寫一點，賺回來還不及扣。

而且拿這回例子說，我會覺得為了交報告不斷思前想後要如何把資料搜集做得更好，所以找不到白板作偷個房間寫，掏心挖肝，而別人注意的是為什麼用沒有訂的房，還在白板上寫字。

傻逼他犧牲了，還覺得很光榮，為什麼別人都不理解。

3.對Intern一向標准更嚴格是習慣，這世界是不公平的，你只能接受。而且應先問一問說好，而不是覺得看書比看Youtube則無害，所以問也省掉。

4.而且就算是做，只不過是我不想讓人覺得我小開所以做更多，因為我覺得別人這樣吃我那幾口浮游生物算什麼，因為我覺得問題很重要別人都解不了。

自以為將最好的給對方，對方棄之不理，因為對方根本不是想要那樣的東西，因為事情本來可以很簡單。那怕你血肉精神都賠上，都無用，然後又憤又怨別人不懂得欣賞，別人都欠了我，莫名的失落和仇恨。

自我中心可以克制，問題是當我又急又亂又犬儒，本性就出來了。

鏡子看了知道了，Self-aware有了，就差Self-Management，先不說溝通，能學會停止下來和從身體著手該算不錯，要勉力行之。

1.其實左右之討論離我一直不遠，身邊讀法律朋友甚至是書會朋友大都右傾犬儒是正常不過之事，但是右派討論所謂人權和自由其實離不開左派的社會主義，兩者的基礎一脈而承。世界因為整體財富上升而左派式微，結果只有右和更右，所謂自由不過接近個人和功利主義，缺乏人文基礎，至今接觸過的法律學生給我印象如此。

越讀越覺其實如果一開始就唸法律未必好，兩年前沒有那種謹細驗的精神和讀書的方法，遑論哲學、社會、經濟的一些簡單理論。也許其實首三年是替我准備了進一步修讀法律，先了解其他的東西。政治學可算是經濟、社會、哲學的混合，可惜成績不追學兄未及入讀政法。

去德國需取碩士，若不行也可以在澳洲多讀一個法律學士。閒時努力下棋，爭取好成績。

2.下棋、讀書、待人接物之所以了解而進步不大，其一是犬儒，其二是易躁。

犬儒是因為要從過去走出來，面對自己小時候因為種種原因（服從父母和老師【經常舉報同學】+成績好+體弱）受排擠而導致和別人社交上既恐懼且佔有和表演慾強，所產生的一種從否定自我和人性光輝面來認識自己及過去的問題。

但是它雖然讓我認識了自己，可是基於否定，使我做事總是缺乏推動力，有失敗而自我滿足預言的傾向。二是因為習慣評論而不找尋可能性，往往會因為這樣而不深入了解就否定事物。三是也總不信任人。

易躁是只對事物有片刻的熱情，稍覺不合心意便放棄，缺乏堅持，跟缺乏安全感也有關係。這事可以從拍拖時看出，對女朋友如何而略知一二。做功課也不到最後不做，做出來一塌糊塗。交友求偶也是同樣的悲觀主義，跟犬儒相互呼應。

3.但是下棋如學術，是以熱情鑽板，是慢慢施壓以裂，不是一朝一夕的事。

心平氣和、按步就班、從容不迫、慎思明辨概略自己現在要改進的方向。這一點尤其要靠作息定時和鍛練身體，沒有體力沒有精力則心思散蕩。Daniel Goleman也指出 Self-awareness 和 Self-managment 缺一不可。

前者已有，後者待成。

4.到現在一直都因為她拒絕聯絡，所以如她所願在GoogleFacebook等連Search都沒Search過（儘管倒是經常Search自己），四年音訊全無，沒見一面。

經常亂在臉書加和前女友很像的女用戶，睹人思人，不知現在如何。

1.之前說過去是靠Cynicism去建立自己的看法，現在了解人性而有待看出光輝的一面。其實要再加上Impetuosity。

這解釋了泡妞沒耐性，對方沒有明確表示就放棄；做事只有前頭衝衝衝，不能在衝內完成就洩氣放棄；論文都只會一兩天寫寫寫，但是對日期Reference條理不清；生活是書架寫字桌整潔而衣服理得一塌糊塗；下慢棋就會下得錯漏百出。

昨晚在風雨中跑上街做Xmen中得到啟發，不過是像關信基教授所說用熱情不斷鑽木板，或者是下慢棋一樣Gently Apply Pressure Until It Cracks. 下那麼久其實還脫不了初學者的心態，老想找方便快捷不用腦袋的方法贏，沒有耐性也沒有思考的方法。

其實也許是好事，最少現在開始明白兩年前我沒有讀法律要的性格和習慣，現在開始有。現在沒有，將來會有的，眼光要放未來，過幾年後的現在就可能成功。你能想像自己未來的路，將來的現在才能不繼續像現在的現在。

2. 上司曉凝之前是無線的記者，本來知道她上過鏡心裡有份特別的敬重，但這天看她閒時看壹週刊時，盯著男模的一對胸肌，就覺得她已經把自己拉到和我同一個層次。

3.這天看新出的2011人口統計簡要，概略如下：

住宅戶上升而每戶人數下降 —> Core Family + Fragmentation

老人撫養率上升+幼兒撫養率下降 —> 撫養率仍然下降，顯示出生率問題嚴重

以24歲或以下組別及34或以上組別看是男多女少 ，女多男少只出現於25-34歲組別

單身比例下跌，男性多於30-34，女性多於25-29，顯示了普遍人的結婚年齡。

普通話比例大幅增加，廣東話輕微下跌

讀商科人數接近36%，文理醫社都下跌

男性平均年齡比女性高，但由於女多而比男長壽，所以並不合理。推定是男人年齡分佈集中於50-65歲。

女權主義是早晚事，看來還是鼓勵同性戀好，一來女人太多，二來以免同性爭吃。

我承認，打風時特別會胡思亂想。

好掛念前度女友，雖然我知自己四年前只是自卑+佔有慾強+缺乏安全感+情緒智商低，雖然都已經沒見了四年而且音訊全無，雖然換著是我都不會喜歡比自己能力更低的男生，雖然如果已經有了男朋友我都未必想見前度。

可是我還是很想見她，而且我覺得最少這四年都洗煉了不少，無論思考或心理的承受能力都比之前好，而且大學幾年不見，之後都未必能見。

可能只是裝成熟，但是一路以來都想親口道歉，或瀟灑或笨拙。

經常偷偷希望她能找一個比我更好的男朋友（其實用過去的我來做標淮根本不難），像Ken或者Cyrus或者Colman。我的朋友都是我所缺少的部份，都比我來得沉實。我不能帶給她幸福，都想她幸福。

一如以往，對所愛者念念不忘而所愛者並不在乎，家常便飯。

發洩完畢等上班。

1.近來又做了一些檢討，發覺其實問題出於Cynicism。

過去因為童年時種種原因社交受挫，之後一直靠些所謂Cynicism建回自己，但是Cynicism有種要看破的傾向，有時就不免會靠Self-Defeating而看破。加上Distrusting以及無法入熱廚房並只會在旁說東說西，都是這個問題。

Cynicism之前讓我從 Hate+Fear+Irrational –> Isolation+Silence+Rationality ，現在這個階級功成身退，可以進入下一個階段。

要看透人性不難，要透了人性而不酸刻仍舊抱有希望比較難。要開始定出和執行目標，一步步推動自己。

2.本來有個對象，大家都有點兒好感，不過後來還是沒戲。

第一是可能我這裡說過現在如果是前女友或者原幹惠或者Jessica Gomes都要想想，可能還要點時間。她讀了。

第二是她常覺得條件不夠我好，配不上我。男人可以理解，我當時就這樣，但是原來女人都可以這樣。

大概是這樣。

3. 也每在打風時時記起前女友說我常打風下雨出街害她擔心，像個小孩子要取她注意。

真的不是，打風上街很好玩。我就走在街上亂跑亂叫，然後站住伸出右手扮X-men控制天氣。可以隨街脫褲小便，大聲講粗口。而且風吹雨水很壯觀，刮起時真像暴風雪和狼煙，兩打身上真有針痛，有幾分鐘要背行，還以為自己是在看西片。

4. 今天也在八號前聽了檢控程序，說了一些法律上的口供問題。

原來採口供也很有學問，它自己都能開一場聽證會辯真偽，法律中所要符合的Best Evidence。她一再提醒程序要做好，不要讓對方有機可乘。

以往常覺得此等事情無聊，現天又發現了一個看事的新角度。仔細不是要你走火入魔Perfectionlist，把自己硬硬的Fragile一打就碎完全不Flexible，純粹是Proper，Just，Fair and Open。就好像當初覺得做Footnote很麻煩所以都不做Paper低分，後來教授說其實不過只是討論，是說自己不在行所以也請參考那方面專家的看法，有更多討論的可能。

又有了一個看事的新角度，真好。

‎2012-2013 Wah Yan Kowloon International Chess Team Year Plan

1. Introduction

This document aims to provide a sustainable guideline for the current year’s activities as well as for the other following years’ reference.

This is, as must the team members themselves have noted, not quite necessary because we certainly can always choose to do things ourselves, outside the scratches of the books.

However, this is also the common mistake that most student organizations tend to make. After leaving of the current members who have already done this year’s activity, they always fail to pass on quite systemically the knowledge and technique needed for the activity.

So everything almost would have to be learnt again in the next year, improvements do not exist under such situation, nobody cares at all because they just pass on to others without telling them what can be learnt.

If a system has to continue to exist, we cannot let it to rule by the discretion of men, certain system and practice must be put into code so as to be able to make improvements and efficiency over the years.

Although said, this note still serves as a very rough one, and should therefore be the minimum requirement for the subsequent years to follow.

2. Trainings

There will be main three types of training:

a) Weekly training

It would comprise of many two aspects of play:

In each lesson first we would look into some annotated games of recent level of play, most likely from the 2012 Taiwan International Open, where Michael, Clifford and Harvey have participated.

[Would invite other school’s top players to demonstrate their games if joint with other schools]

We would invite them to talk about their own games, also some other games that will be played in the bi-weekly tournament. The speakers will be required to prepare a week before the discussion, with focus on

Opening Decision
Choosing the endgame

These perhaps are the two main weaknesses of the players so far, whereas middle game is not a particular concern. 2-3 games will be discussed each time.

We can also go through different games of great players, as well as having some exercise (Chessmaster XII, Fischer’s My 60 Most Memorable Games, Nona Grapindashvilli’s Imagination in Chess)

After an hour of analysis with discussion, the remaining hour will be mainly for blitz and crazyhouse.

Currently negotiating with schools including KGV, Shatin College, WYHK, if they accept the invitation, the classes will be jointly carried out, with all three schools’ students coming to WYK, and each team’s best player taking their for the lecture introducing their games.

As usual, the practice time will be set on Thursday every week. Practice will stop three weeks before the exams.

[ Each member who is summoned to lecture in next week ]

b) Bi-weekly tournament

After each week’s practice, for every two weeks there will be a mini-tournament, the tournament format can be taking place in either way:

50mins, RR or Swiss depending on number, 2 days
30mins+3s, RR or Swiss depending on number, 1/2days
15mins+5s, RR or Swiss depending on number, 1 day

Players can take the chances to improve their skills of play, with possible players for other schools in Hong Kong

[ Marcus, Clifford, in organizing equipments needed. Assign helpers if necessary]

c) Christmas Chess Camp

After the end of exam, there will be a chess camp during the Christmas holiday.

75mins+30s rest of the game, RR or Swiss depending on number, 4-5days.

One game morning and one in the afternoon, evening will be having analysis in common rooms + free activities.

The chosen locations so far inclunding Ma On Shan and HKU Kadorie Institute in Shek Mun. Budget calculating and planning in progress.

[Marcus]

3. Recreational Activities

a) Recruitment

Members recruitment shall commence after two weeks since start of school. There are the following items that need to note:

A4 Posters to be pasted on the walls of classroom
Counter set in the school corridor (Playing chess in front of principal’s office is a good way)
Interview, testing the beginners’ level and assigning them to classes

The recruitment team shall also organize small 1-2 lessons class about general rules of the games. It will make lives easier as the general training on Thursday is more advanced for beginners. (Games Notation, board, pieces, draw rules, etc)

The team members may decide this upon themselves. (Renting rooms, Organising Materials, Maintaining Contacts)

[Timothy, Hays]

b) Renewal of contact list

After the recruitment process completed, the team shall immediately update all contacts of members, including past and current members into two separate lists.

The list must be finished before the end of September.

[Timothy]

c) Leisure Dinner
Team members may have a monthly gathering after a month’s training, the member responsible shall be find/organizing the event. Any event like dinner gathering, cycling, movie are all welcomed.

[Michael]

First step to clear my mind : Write them all out.

Many look but don’t see. (Observation)

Many see but don’t think. (Conclusion)

Many think but don’t act. (Cynicism, Stuck now right here)