http://www.chessgames.com/perl/chessgame?gid=1621783

Often there comes the question of materialism and plan, do I really want to satisfy myself with a status quo, assessments drawn on a particular position, or do I want to move forward to see a few moves ahead even if now I am not well for the time being?

It seems that a plan with sufferings is always better than materialism in the status quo, like after a few weeks of intern I cannot imagine myself sitting in office and working for the rest of my life, sitting in big houses, luxurious decorations and literally perish .

Joy of labour is of course satisfying if you do know who you are working for, but for the rest of my life, this cannot be my goal.

If I don’t have any dreams to accomplish (Say like, now I am working on projects related Legco election, or getting a new life if I can go Germany, maybe achieving something in chess), my existence means nothing. I would merely exist, I am not living.

It seems that either we will be witnessing days of hope and freedom triumph over materialism, good hard man living by himself, or a downfall of humanity under the fear of ourselves, prosperity and democracy come without conscience and scumming to authority and dictatorship.

The famous opening of Dickens is by no means an over-statement to the current situation, and perhaps it is on this current page of history that it strikes with most accuracy.

Sometimes an incident or two struck you with horror in recognition of how oblivious you have been to certain facts in life that you would act hypocritically different.

My brother’s computer has been malfunctioning due to overheating, bought him a base fan to place under the laptop, he seemed to be happy with it in the first place, but subsequently he grew weary of it as application of it brought much inconvenience.

Tonight I was back it was discovered that the fan was dropped on the floor, an arc of it was broken and the spinning of it would bring imbalance to the whole equipment. It has to be trashed, and he did not look particularly impressed.

“That doesn’t bother you?”

“Fact is fact.”

“And you don’t think sustaining a device nowadays is important?”

“Just don’t like using cover for my phone.”

Those made me feel that perhaps somehow a future for me, where capitalism will still exist as work needs repay, but then those messy monetary policies, fiat money, can and will disappear altogether as they finally lose touch with nature, where money means nothing as there aren’t any trees or water.

It’s getting closer and seems to be inevitable.

其實不是所有人都能讀上，很多時只不過找不到自己擅長的事，相對而言每科都有自己的責任和範圍，這裡科目沒有高低之分。

例如近年政府在學術上收得很緊，按抵抗能力次序強弱而排，應是法律、新聞、政治及政策、社會工作、哲學、文學、醫科、理科。

如果要統合不同的反對聲音，學術界是最接近建制也因此最有影響力的，反而政黨分裂，低下階層人士也拉不了關係，殺傷力相對較少。

有很多東西可以做，例如委任校董、安置親政府人士出任相關司局長及行政人員、減少撥款。報紙上是限制採訪自由、自我審查、收購股份。

所以說不要老是寫些歪歪膩膩的東西，寫完可以沒有人看，但骨氣不能不養成。做個有能力有影響力的人，才能看見自己的理想成為現實。

Sitting across the table are two young girls, tanned skin, Hong Kong Chinese, aged about 15-16, long hair, American accent. Suppose they were DGS, MCS or some international schools, but then in their conversation they could use a little Chinese, so I suppose DGS.

Their bill came with a opinion survey card, they wrote that they were new to this restaurant, and that they were not very satisified with the service and quality of food. Still from my own understanding the qualify was at least satisfactory.

After they left, the waiters were keen to know what did they wrote, and after noting their comments, the waiters quite correctly labelled them as “Brain-Damaged Post 90s”.

A beautiful case where one’s ego is consumed and at the same time being consumed by the others, where superficial activities did not achieve what they were intended and became a blackspot.

A dazzling script that leaves the audience utterly confused, but somehow as in life, a pint of lie is always mixed with a teaspoon of truth, and precisely it is those situations that reflects the very crux of soul.

http://www.tudou.com/programs/view/ftNYP2QrcgI/?fr=rec1&FR=LIAN&refid=c010329ca5d5358f

Suppose it is comparable to Rachmaninoff’s Rhapsody on a theme of Paganini(For those who know, it’s the original song being inverted, and another completely different song was born), it gives some inspiration towards the case of usual break-ups.

The scene goes like this:

Mom gets her daughter to being pop star, fulfill her own dream.

Mutual burden is shared, both when daughter’s career is not well mom blames herself (Self-harming), and when mom’s self-harming daughter also would injury herself.

Daughter realises this and decided to ask lawyer to break the relationship.

Mom thinks instead that it is the daughter who is immature, and decide to fight on, unaware of her own problem.

On the court the lawyer explains the situation, and the mom realises herself at fault, agreed to break as their relationship is infact the cause of problem.

The girl enjoys her new life while mom is left with anything but memories.

In reality for example relationships

They get together, girls for love and boys usually for pleasure.

Mutual burden is shared, boys are confused with lust and reliance on pleasure and indulgence, girls both tired of boys’ demand and also realise the changing nature of dream to hell.

Girls realise and ask for break-up of relationship.

Boys think that the girls are just being immature, and undergoing usual emotional periods.

After the break-up, girls are at least able to live happily upon themselves if not immediately finding a better half, while the boys would be unleashing their anger upon the girls and place all the blame there.

After some moment he realise what the whole thing was going on, and by that time they all benefited from the break-up, quite practically forced. The break up was partial-faked to be unwanted, but in fact they both needed it and the girl knew it.

Feel free to change boys to girls and girls to boys, whatever. Human nature is shared.

Just play yourself, and test it by playing with the others. The others merely serve to prove that you are perfectly psychologically correct, and practically not discovered to be at fault yet, which is the spirit of science and conscience.

Oh man it does help a bit if you have happened to have read Oscar Wilde.

這夜跟Cyrus討論過一些理論局面，然後乘船回去北角。

海上看港島的夜色，有時想著原本是個小島，只一個想法資本主義就能把它搞起，而共產主義就連草根都不剩。

對著這浮華世界，又想起那時讀書，John Mills小時候父親把他帶到海德公園，然後對他說：你現在比他們聰明得多，不過那只是你有機會接觸得更多。

其實現在快畢業，之後可不可以讀上去，能不能實現自己下棋理想，都是未知，像船下的水。不過也說了如果我去了外國，他在財政上會支持我，算了安慰。

被人釘上十字架不浪漫，自己走上十字架才浪漫。

http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XNDAwMzYzNDYw.html

從之前寫信到明報到近來下棋的事，給我的觀感都是沒錢沒關係就做不了事。因為很少人就連我們自己都慣於用印象而不是事情本身去想。就是你說得有多對，如果你影響力不足或者是地位不高，別人會犬儒你的動機。

所以如果真想獨立，最靠譜還是先有自己獨立的經濟能力，然後還得在自己的領域做點成績出來，別人才會聽你。不然只一封蜂沒讀的信，一個個沒聽的電話。不要再在和別人爭論時只知反駁，要自己先做點事。反復的歸去來，從爭論到想問題，問題想夠就去做點實事。開始知道還有什麼想不到的方向的問題，於是回去再想。

電視上看運動說要由學界開始，但是那時就開始覺得比來，別人都看不見背後的辛酸，而且別說在下棋贏了都不會有人拍手，名符其實的Unsung War

現在歐國盃打得火熱，小組勁旅賽和是意料事，只沒想到荷蘭輸了丹麥，算起來還有個多月也就到了倫敦奧運，但是似乎運動對於人們的貢獻也不算很大。其實是不會因為奧運就在那幾天多點去游水或者跑步，關心的程度只限於那天晚上要去哪間酒吧，又或者在馬會決定不了要買德國還是荷蘭。

所以我不是很明白人們常常說運動對於社會貢獻有多大，大概就是需要休息的人永遠都得不到足夠休息，需要運動的人卻老是坐在家裡要按個掣都得靠遙控。

但是這也不構成不支持運動的發展，最少需要沒有大用處，不過也不構成害處。多建一兩個球場和跑步徑單車徑其實更有助社會和諧，如果這樣做的話每年要節省出多少個錨來。可是你不搞人家，也不就代表人家不會搞你。政府這些年頭其實對於運動和文化方面做得很不足，但是又怕別人看不見成果，於是每每做了一點東西都恨不得能拍成電影或者二十集無線的電視劇。

最有趣的就是零八年時搞的東亞運動會，造價突然翻了翻都能說是通漲（大概通漲預期做得太差），但是當被問到原因時，當局就說這能推動香港體育的發展。這是很有趣的邏輯，因為通常是體育水平差不多了，那才舉辦一下大型體育活動，而不是說因為要發展體育所以才搞一些大型的體育比賽，香港用不著一些發展中國家的理由（中國早為體育強國所以例外）。運動員這一方面就進退兩難，因為你的確很想比賽，但是又心知其實政府做法上一向冷落體育，迫不得以要出來兼職公關。

不過也不難理解，一國兩制下很多東西都同化了，運動員從來都是國有的，運動是僅有能為國家帶來點面子的東西之一。幸好在香港你傷了不跑也是你的權利而跑下去不是一種義務。

你不喜歡運動倒也算了，這種事情就像有些人適合讀大學有些人適合做事一樣，是迫不來的。你行精英運動員計劃只集中資助一小部份運動員倒也算了，雖然大家心知你口裡說資源不夠不過是你搭飛機和住總統套房用掉了。一個國家大得能給你所有東西時也有權力取去了你身邊所有的東西，要是只能一路不斷靠政府資助才能活下去的運動那能跟生活有多大的關係。只不過就算你不要什麼，你都不能靠自己拿到什麼。

國際象棋這個項目是很讓人頭疼的，因為在奧運會上不是一個競賽項目，人們都說它不是那麼Physical。但是在好些次等一點的比賽，例如大學生運動會(http://www.sz2011.org/jsxx/jsxm/12402.shtml ） 和國際智力運動會(http://www.imsaworld.com/) ，它卻是一項比賽項目，而大學生運動會是一個需要地方奧林匹克委員會授權才能參加的比賽。按具有遠見只看見奧運會項目的的香港奧委會，是一定過不了的。

那我問我們的總會會長你幹嗎不像中國象棋和圍棋報名加入香港奧委會。他說先要給錢註冊，然後再給錢在外面註冊成有限公司，每年交報告，還下放對外參賽權。真是開窮一點都不行，不像圍棋和中國象棋般人多的我們根本不用想，雖然圍棋的陳校長都有點微言。尤其你想想國際象棋在香港沒多少人會下，水平肯定不高，用官僚主義的角度看要往外比賽肯定難更多。

去年大學生運動會在深圳舉行，香港大學生運動總會（名字類似，不過記不起了，總之就是香港奧組委認可的）就對其中二十四個項目的二十一個發出邀請。我和Cyrus就看，為什麼沒了國際象棋，明明就有呀。於是Cyrus就和Corke教授商量，用香港大學棋會的名義發出電郵問了情況，他們就說，行，不過你們水平不夠，不准參賽。

這其實很可笑。因為對於我們這些下棋的同學來說，有這麼大型的比賽在那麼近的地方是很難得的，在一個運動員而言技術可以練，但是心理質素就靠參加比賽來磨的。如果這個項目是存在的，又沒有人報了名，我們就不能上？他們的回答是不是不能，不過你們水平不夠。這也就是第二個可笑之處，因為像這樣的總會作用不是用來管理一群運動員，而是用來扶助本地運動的發展，水平不夠才要多點比賽，而不是說你水平不夠就不讓出賽，你們只是半官方機構其實還用不著政府的手段，何況還沒有多少人在大學中會下這種棋。

他們又說，行，但是我們有贊助商，所以要確保不是所有人也可以報名，以免浪費資源。我說那我們能不能自己付錢，他們說不行因為有合約要資助所有出賽的運動員。

之前下棋時努力練習想爭取更多，因為總覺得為的就是之後可以很光榮和虛榮的過日子。但是開始回去九龍華仁教學弟下棋，想法開始改變了。現在會想其實不用政府做些什麼給些什麼，也不用別人更多注意和推廣。只要能讓真的喜歡下棋的人多點有下棋的機會，政府能減多一點兒場地租金，就算不援助也別要那麼多條件的強制性資助，下一代能有更好的空間，那我就心滿意足了。

你不請我吃飯也沒有關係的，我可以自己掙口飯吃。但是不要強著要請客，然後又說飯不夠，又不許我向別人買飯，就讓我自己買口飯吃，行不行？

Lemon is usually added as seasonings.
Shit is usually converted to fertilizers.