1.The weird feeling does exist, when one can actually feel sub-consciousness. Like I would still sometimes have dreams of ex-girlfriend, imaginary conversations, even when I am conscious.
At first I feel weird, as I am sure anyone else would. But then it’s more like dreaming, or writing a novel. It is good to facilitate imagination, and let yourself soak in a certain degree of self-indulgence. The key is you are still able to distinguish reality from dream, without a totem.
There are often conflicts with mind and reality, must learn how to dance with it.
2. Again if one’s acute enough, he is always able to find materials, both entertaining, and inspiring in the sense that he is increasingly able to discover thoughts and perspectives of the others, interesting enough also.
It is very neat, and yes it’s not photoshoped or fixed beforehand. It’s some therapy+practice my psychologist advised me to cultivate, to have a habit to discipline myself up.
In the past few years it’s more like I need to do so out of forcible actions/reliance of certainty, now it feels more like the harmony is in itself.
After working for like say 30mins, I would just roll nude on the bed for a few minutes. Actually I am always nude in my dorm, taking shower in four-person-shared bathroom frequently, saves me some air-con fee and need to wash less clothes.
1.Now the exam is half-done, and I was there sank in deep thought myself, thinking of the things I saw, I now see, I will see, and what do I want to do it in future. Yes, it’s all about me.
The world is growing larger and larger in my own eyes, as my self-understanding becomes clearer, the world unfolds in front of me as the way it is, no longer distorted by anything else. Do I have the power to embrace all the things around me, I asked myself, but I wasn’t that sure.
I used to belittle myself, thinking the world is unfair, and all my talents are leftover tarnished/untarnished. But truth be told what talent have I got? The so called talent, as the others would have described, were all cultivated at the time, the dark time of my life.
Distorted by fear, bullied past, went in vain to isolate myself from the others by all competitive stuffs like debate chess etcetcetc. How I wish, as I have repeatedly said, to exchange these things for a few more friends that I would still keep in contact with.
If it’s not my brother’s mentioning, I wouldn’t have remembered Rose, and I swear I still sweat hearing her name, because I feel I own her something. But after all she’s not the concern of mine, at least we were just two months, and broke-up with no love lost, and she is now studying some literature-law dbl degree my brother said.
The thing that concerns me the most is also not my family, at least now they really enjoy my company, they saw me change, and I think that would be the greatest thing to have happened in our family, although on several occasion they would still make fun of me, I am taking them less serious now than before.
I miss my friends the most, especially Barry, Francis, Raymond, Jeffrey, and especially Ken. They after all, despite all my shortcomings, been staying and standing by me for those four years. It was a bit amazing, and absurd at the same time, to try withstand the “me” at that time, even thinking for now from this hypothetical perspective.
Raymond is the leader, calm, stable, knowledgeable, terribly industrious. He excels also in viola and vocal, as well as some amount of Chinese musical instruments. He also plays good chess. It was a pity he couldn’t get through the CE exam, we all thought the otherwise. He was the closest friend of them three (Excluding Ken as he is an upper degree), always there for me, playing soccer, billiard, inviting me for dinner and chatter. He is more mature than I always was.
Francis is that kind of high achiever, egotist, but cute at same time. He is remarkably good at debating, piano, badminton, also speaks fluent English and French. Not sure that type was pressure-induced as he lost his father at a very young age, a tragedy repeated by Ken. He often like to make mockery remarks towards the others for his outstanding academic performance, though that also repel friends away from him except some snobbish ones which thinks it’s worthy.
Jeffrey is the play-maker, third-debater that consistently makes fun, able to create refutation over the point in just seconds. He is a very good soccer player, also a good company as he clearly knows how to make friends/girlfriends in a very short period of time. Although I did not see him as clever as Francis, or as industrious as Raymond, to make up for his lack of modesty, nevertheless we were the closest friends after Raymond’s leaving to other Secondary School.
Ken is my mentor. To some extent my case was aggravated by the participation of debating. But that was never anyone’s fault, nor was it my fault. A silver lining in the cloud was that at least I made good use of my self-belittling and turned it into something sharp and useful. He always seems to be having everything under control, knows all the systems, smooth and tactful in relationships. I still wondered till now of his bestowing of trust to HKESDU to me, wasn’t sure, but in life sometimes it’s good to have things to regret, at least you have lived.
Now the picture is brighter. I think that in order to embrace the world, my vision is not enough, my heart is not enough, my skills are not enough. A true great man must be able to make do with situations, fight the way along, where situations and conditions are never a matter – he simply creates them or endures them with whatever at that time he can do.
I used to whine of poor University poor subject, but now I am finding it better than I have expected, and indeed it’s a good University. The subject is also something I am truly interested in, it’s hard but it’s good as long as it’s what you get. Those who get into good University are either those who are make-doers, or just good at playing games.
You might not be able to play games well, but that ain’t mean you aren’t that good. More than often it’s the system and the rules that determine the value of a thing, but if a thing is not that good, it means it does not suit the system only, makes no sense to try forcing in again and again. It’s more wrong to for that reason think that you are not worthy.
The over-inclination towards politics might also not be a good sign – It seems necessary to create a background, studies. The problem is not with apathy, it is with students forgetting their own occupation, not focusing on what they ought to do – Indeed academic studies are the only thing which divide a University student and some angry-politics-sidekick. Either politics involves itself in the University system on Tsui Lap Chee’s case, or it involves in students’ case by over-participation. In both case they are weird and bad enough.
The rigidity and prejudice ought to be taken away, where there is no pre-occupation of judgment, liberal and accepting every way people choose to live their lives, focusing on the consequences of actions but not actions themselves (Exclude life-death matters) One million people, One million ways of living, who is to say right and wrong?
It’s altogether a bad idea, to theorise and to make firm commitments. But I am quite sure that I am still too little as a man, the world is too big for me. If I really want to grow, I will have to soak myself in uncertainties, like a leaf in wind. Or maybe less poetic/philosophical, just two-year trip around Europe, living the life I want it to be – Chess Tournament, Training, Writing, Working, Feeling the city. When I feel it’s okay, I change a place.
2. Had some discussion over the protective cover of phone, but we have been substituting it with Girls-Condom-Exboyfriend-Boyfriend
Dad’s company gave a mobile phone for his work.
I was using it so I bought it protective backcover + screen protector + 4gb memory card
Then purchased a Galaxy Nexus, Dad’s phone untouched
Brother saw dad’s phone unused, decide to take it.
I said well perhaps you can pay half the price for the three stuffs
Bro: In that case I wont use the phone
I said:
1) If you use it, although you eventually will have to return it to dad office, it’s still better to take good care
2) Save some resources for society as company see phone new will rethink when buying a new one for workers
3) Half price is not unreasonable ( Back 30 + Screen 40 + Memory 85)
It still remain disputed
3. Lately indulging myself with KFC’s brand new Herb Salmon Baked Rice.
Not sure what is happiness or well-being, used to be thinking about it, but now I feel that the simplest form of happiness, is have a good meal. Things does not have to be all philosophical.
4. Lastly, as usual after push-ups this song gives relaxation before sleep. They say life is a journey to Mozart, well, cliche enough, guess still in my youth with extra sentiments that leads me choosing Chopin. Pros and Cons. Wish I have more time to go back to piano.
“A democracy cannot exist as a permanent form of government. It can only exist until the voters discover that they can vote themselves largess of the public treasury. From that time on the majority always votes for the candidates promising the most benefits from the public treasury, with the results that a democracy always collapses over loose fiscal policy, always followed by a dictatorship….The average age of the world’s greatest civilizations has been two hundred years. These nations have progressed through this sequence: from bondage to spiritual faith; from spiritual daith to great courage; from great courage to liberty; from liberty to abundance; from abundance to selfishness; from selfishness to complacency; from complacency to apathy; from apathy to dependence; from dependency back again to bondage.” – Sir Alex Fraser Tytler
對的，Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask/email/xanga/facebook/twitter/google+/blogger/whatsapp/line/instagram/SMS/AOL/MSN/ICQ, and he will tell you the truth.
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